Creeping Dismay

Artwork by Yulia Schuster

For the fist time in her life she felt that kind of love that she never imagine being capable of feeling. The kind of love that would make anyone feel safe and blissful and ecstatic, and above all, alive. It was also the first time she had felt truly loved, and for the first time, she believed without any doubt in her heart that that it would be forever.

He was kind and loving like few people are. It was hard for him not to smile whenever he felt her presence. His eyes turned into fireflies every time he saw her and he would  be amazed at everything she did like a child watching a magician. He thought she was fascinating. She thought he was one of a kind. A unicorn, some would say.

Inevitably they fell in love. they had both sworn themselves that they would never allow that to happen, but it did… and it was perfect. all their fears suddenly vanished, the baggage became lighter, the past became trivial. She inspired him to be brave, and even to dance to the beat that kept her going. He set her soul on fire, stripped her of her ever going anxiety and made her feel like the only shining star in the sky.

Has anyone ever felt such happines that they can actually grasp it with their hands?  I Well, they did and they could, and it was a feeling they would never let go of. Except  that they did.

Their love, however, trascended well after they grew apart, but that didn’t stop the anxiety from eating her up, or the fear from holding him down. 

For the first time in her life she felt that kind of sadness that she never imagined being capable of feeling. The kind of sadness that would make anyone paralyze and hide. It was also the first time she felt such unbearable pain that she needed to shut herself down completely, even if for a while, until she could no longer feel. But she failed. There was nothing in this world that she wouldn't do for him, if only to se him smile. You see, she just had too much love inside and nowhere to direct it. 

He had no other choice than to hide in his cave, far from everything that would pull him away from being too comfortable. Unlike her, he did no longer feel. He had to cover his eyes, of course. He had to cover his eyes so he wouldn’t be blinded by her gleam, and so he would not have to look at his own reflection in the mirror. Being the sun, he chose to turn into a shadow, he just could not stand the light.

Despite his cowardliness, she knew that she would love him forever. What she never imagined possible, however, was that despite how much she cherished him, the day would come when she would feel asphyxiating disappointment.  She had no idea...